I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
