Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
