Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
