I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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