She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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