Everything about him screamed your future.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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