I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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