have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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