so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
