I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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