4 words: hood of his car
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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