So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
