my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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