Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
