I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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