as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
