Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
