Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
