Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
