yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You smell like stripper and shame
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i dont even know how to be here
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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