Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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