If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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