Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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