It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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