but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
