I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
