Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
