Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
