JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
