Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
