i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
