How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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