Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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