One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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