im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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