Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
