I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
