Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
