i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
