Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I touched a dick in church today
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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