I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
