i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
