you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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