I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
