i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
