i think my tv is drunk
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
