Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
