You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
