similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
