glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
